I can tuck mytits in my pants
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
