i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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