their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
