So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
