oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
