Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
