I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
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He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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