Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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