Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
