I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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