Pants 0. Shit 1.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
