was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
