the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
