he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
