She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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