Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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