Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
This is the prime rib incident all over again
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
