I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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