sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
