You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
