My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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