Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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