consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
