I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
