so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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