So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
