my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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