you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
