I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
