are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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