I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
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Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
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James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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