Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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