she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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