just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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