I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If I die, sorry about rent.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
