i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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