I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
