TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
