we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
