All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
