I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
