Pregnant stripper...not hot.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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