I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
