well he's currently spooning the coffee table
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
