im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
