I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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