No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
soo... how was my night?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
