I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
