Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
