another moral hangover. fuck.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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