so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
