i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
