did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
