I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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