i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
