my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
