I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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