I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
