did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
