So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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