Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
