I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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