What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Randomize
