Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
