She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
