I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
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friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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