Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
