Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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