More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
