some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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