P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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