so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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