I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
