Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
